so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
