Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
