he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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