next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
50% drunk capacity currently
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
