Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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