if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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