May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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