She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
