When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
