It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
