So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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