Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
