i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
