I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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