Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
