Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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