Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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