Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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