Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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