If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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