Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
