Already got asked if we're dating
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dear god my vagina.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize