We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You pole danced in your parka.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
