remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
