I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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