My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
