drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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