i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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