i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
