my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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