I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
