Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its not stalking. its research.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
