I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
