Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
