Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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