I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
