I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
