i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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