I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
that is very illegal...i love you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
