if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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