i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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