I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
