i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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