i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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