I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
