no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
