I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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