There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize