Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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