That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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