every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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