It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
