i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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