We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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