She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
