Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize