oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?