Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.