there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.