this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.