Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

(1-763): View more from Minnesota

Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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(763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l

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(239): View more from Florida

you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys

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(239): you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys http://tfl.nu/zkgi

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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(812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city. http://tfl.nu/nl67

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

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(843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn

Replies (76) Good night (21585) Bad night (1278)
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(805): View more from California

You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

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(805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0

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(716): View more from New York

Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

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(716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

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(617): she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her... http://tfl.nu/azzw

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?

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(973): Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet? http://tfl.nu/xg0z

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

What?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.

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(484): THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH. (610): What? (484): A TROUGH FOR VOMIT. http://tfl.nu/8z8s

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(434): View more from Virginia

do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming

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(434): do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming http://tfl.nu/c7ht

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(786): View more from Florida

i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"

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(786): i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/v0t3

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?

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(717): How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling? http://tfl.nu/pzfw

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(613): View more from Ontario

Her only article of clothing is an American Flag

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(613): Her only article of clothing is an American Flag http://tfl.nu/tlj8

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(907): View more from Alaska

I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!

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(907): I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st! http://tfl.nu/87p8

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(317): View more from Indiana

I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?

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(317): I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened? http://tfl.nu/0nes

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