You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
