I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
