But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
