Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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