And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
